i don't remember why i stopped. maybe there wasn't a point, maybe there wasn't a reason. maybe i was too suckered into the monkey see monkey do.
peer pressure
maybe no one comes here anymore
that's alright
some things aren't meant to be read anyway

when's the last time such deep deep emotions were stirred?
when's the last time i knew they existed?
when's the last time i decided that it was a good idea to post?

it's not a good idea

it's a rant

it's a pain in the neck

it's crap

this isn't an outlet
ok maybe it is
but not for anyone but me
so why does the world need to know?
it doesn't

then what's facebook?
what's twitter?

maybe i need another place for randomness
maybe i need to say something
maybe i hope someone will read it
maybe i don't

maybe i want pity
no
i don't
what'll it do for me?
maybe i'm just tired
tired of what?
tired of being away
tired of masks
tired of being nice
tired of making people look nice
tired of this north american dream

i love wicked
why?
because she was loved
she was loved
SHE was loved
loved
SHE
is that why?
'cos if it is that's stupid
stupid i say

i said i wouldn't fall
and here i am, dust over my head
fell and felled hard.
fell hard unknowingly
fell impossibly
fell
down
down
i thought i was stronger
braver
smarter

no

i'm just as stupid
just as weak
just as ignorant

stupid

it's ruining my life
it's stupid
i say it's essence
i say it's london
france
the states
maybe it is
maybe it was calm for too long
and when it came
it came together
all together
too quickly
too densely
a storm
a whirlwind
an unexpected twister of fate

jokes? no, not now. no matter how hilarious, it isn't funny

it was too much
i wasn't prepared
i'm still ill-equipped

don't lose sight of who you are they say
they say right
maybe

do you know me?
do i know me?
do i deserve it?
do i deserve anything?

what in the world am i doing?
why?
why?
why?
WHY?!